Embrace failure and shoot for the moon — tech cliché bingo
A good conference always contains a good goosebump moment
JOHN THORNHILL
This year I have been lucky enough to attend several tech
events. Lucky because I love nothing more than to hear improbable tales of
plucky individuals defying the odds, fulfilling their dreams and launching
successful businesses. A conference is not a conference unless it contains a
good goosebump moment.
But, it has to be said, tech events seem to generate a
disproportionate amount of thoughtless guff. During such lulls, I have taken to
playing tech cliché bingo.
Here are some of my favourites:
So . . .
Apparently, it is obligatory to start every tech talk with
this superfluous verbal tic. I blame Mark Zuckerberg.
We are the Uber
for . . .
It is often helpful to give the audience a snapshot of what
you do. But it is probably not so helpful to associate yourself with a
massively lossmaking, ethically warped, and reputationally challenged business.
We are the Airbnb
for . . .
One step better in terms of reputation, but not much better
in terms of originality.
We celebrate failure.
This phrase is only ever said by highly successful people
little acquainted with the true meaning of the word. It should be obvious to
everyone: failure sucks. It kills relationships, drains money, and destroys
lives. The alternative is always preferable.
We champion
diversity.
Invariably said by one of four white men sitting on a panel
(or manel).
We are going to disrupt
industry x, y, z.
Disrupting an industry is good for the disrupter and may be
good for consumers. Then again it may not. Disruption can result in the erosion
of employee rights and mass job losses, one of the causes of populist outrage.
Not many people want to live in a disrupted society. Probably not such a good
meme for 2018.
We don’t want to boil
the ocean.
It is surprising how many people who use this phrase then go
on to outline business models that aim to do precisely that.
We believe in a sharing
economy.
This one is often said by companies proposing to rip data
out of unsuspecting users and exploit them for blatant profit extraction.
This is a moon shot
project.
This really means: we don’t know what we’re doing and our
technology doesn’t work. What’s more, this phrase is often used by extreme
libertarian types seemingly unfamiliar with history. For the record, a
much-derided public sector organisation — Nasa — was the first to achieve a
real moon shot.
We aim to become a
unicorn.
A unicorn is a mythical creature. The financial success of
many of the companies who use this term may also remain mythical.
One other common feature of tech events is the opportunity
it gives for big company bosses to come onstage to tell the audience how much
they love millennials. But these corporate types have their fair share of
clichés too:
We believe in open
innovation . . .
Our company has run out of ideas. Does anyone else have any
— please?
As Bill Gates said, “We tend to overestimate the effect of a
technology in the short run and underestimate the effect in the long run.”
Great quote but almost always misattributed. One minute on
Google shows that this quotation came from Roy Amara, a former president of The
Institute for the Future. That’s why it’s known as Amara’s Law.
Here’s to the
misfits.
This one is sometimes uttered by a chief executive whose
suit costs more than the money raised in a start-up’s “friends and family”
financing round. They are to hip what the former Microsoft boss Steve Ballmer
is to dancing (check it out on YouTube).
All that said, it’s time for a small confession. I have
moderated a few sessions at tech events this year and may — perhaps — have used
one of or two of these clichés myself.
Bingo!
